The Courtship of the Masses

"You can have brilliant idea, but if you can't get those ideas across, they don't do anybody any good." - Lee Iacocca

From the archives of psychological literature we further our understanding of human nature. Even though we know a tremendous amount about human behavior - how to change, how to influence, how to become; we seldom make complete use of such information. What's even more difficult is communicating the vast amount of knowledge we have of psychology to others for their practical use. This dilemma is the proverbial Gordian Knot that must be cut with effective communication.

Any idea, any information, and any solution for that matter is worthless unless properly communicated in an understandable format to our audience. Whether we're dealing with a client in business, or constituency as a politician, a teacher to a student, or a parent to a child; we must acknowledge and effectively deal with this problem. An effective communicator is first and foremost adaptable.

That is, he/she able to find common ground with whomever they communicate with. For example, the most effective way to build rapport and communicate with a child would not be to act professional and proper. The best way would be to play the games they play. The effective communicator can enter the child's world and play whatever a child plays.

From this example we can see that the limiting factor in being able to communicate effectively is one's ability to enter another's world. To learn the "reality" they inhabit, and to be curious and interested in learning more about it. Too often, our laziness forces us to try to impose our reality on others. This is by far the worst way to effectively communicate, and is a sign of a limited communicator.

By definition an effective communicator is versatile, and thus is supposed to be the most flexible in his/her ability to communicate. Legendary psychotherapists of modern times such as Fritz Perls, Milton Erickson, Virginia Satir, Richard Bandler, John Grinder, and Anthony Robbins all share this flexibility in common. A common definition associated with "pathological" individuals is the inability to see outside their own reality. In essence, the extreme form of this inability to see other people's maps of reality is thought of as pathological. In fact, Timothy Leary's model of Interpersonal Dynamics is based on such a principle, and has been used widely as a psychometric.

A recent sales book I read dismissed the idea of trying to find commonality and to enter into the world of the buyer. Though it might work effectively for some, that does not mean it is the most effective. And based on boatloads of research from business schools, psychology departments, and optimal sales forces, the consensus stand on the value of increasing adaptability and using it to enter the world of our audience. I caution, however, that to enter does not mean to mislead, or to become a copycat. It means to surrender your rigid views for moments in time to expand your awareness of others, and thus be able to understand and provide value to those you wish to engage with. Ultimately the end result will be the ability to effectively sell your product, service, idea, reform, or what have you.

Angel Armendariz

Confident?...or Bluff?...How to Decipher

Most everyone likes to be confident. Confidence is how effective a person feels within a specific area or situation. Confidence is refreshing, it aids in your performance; its a liberating sense of potential. How can you decipher someone with real confidence from someone who's putting a front?

David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., explains several interesting ways of finding out someone's confidence level. He uses examples of athletes, performers, and speakers; that when performing go beyond themselves, or forget themselves. Someone with confidence isn't thinking about themselves, or is not self-conscious.
Lieberman says, " A nervous person has an ego consuming his thoughts because of fear, worry, and anxiety...and he can't help but focus on himself."

Several giveaway's to lack of confidence are:
-swallowing
-shaking
-high pitch voice
-blinking

The natural stages of development for a person in any arena follow this pattern:
-unconscious incompetence - unaware of incorrect performance
-conscious incompetence - aware of lack of ability/skills
-conscious competence - knows what to do/person needs awareness to be effective.
-unconscious competence - performs correctly without attention/awareness.

From these stages you can see that a high level of confidence would be in the unconscious competence arena. Think about driving for instance. If you can remember the stages you went through in learning to drive; you can clearly see how the 4 stages played out for you...leading up to current level of unconscious competence.

Whether you have the level of confidence you wish to have or don't is irrevelant. The thing is to realize that you will go through all stages to realize ultimate confidence. Its natural to do so; and it is worth going through the first 3 stages in order to get to the 4th.

Angel Armendariz

The Puppets - Who's Pulling The Strings

Analogies help us better understand things. I recently started thinking about puppets. The string puppets that dance around when you move the strings with your hand. I remember playing with those puppets when I was a young lad...good kid. The puppet now serves as a good icon for our lives.

Think of yourself as a puppet. You are both the puppet and the master of the puppet - the string puller. Your mind can be thought of as the master (string puller), and your body actions & movement as the dance of the puppet. In theory our minds guide our actions and behaviors in the ways we choose. Thus, you dance to your own beat - you pull your own strings. The problem arises when we choose not to be the puppet master. When instead of pulling our own strings we delegate the string pulling to others; or worse inanimate things.

A common puppet set goes like this: a person delegates one string to the economy, the other string to the news, the other string to the day of the week, the other string to a significant other. Alas, no more responsibility, now in this example we are no longer our own masters...we have given away all our powers to act and be as we choose.

Now, we are pulled every which way by the new appointed puppet master. We become clowns...a spectacle...a side-show dancing dramatically to the ambiguous movements of these inanimate string pullers. Ultimately, however, we can choose to wake up and take back our strings, and assume control of our puppets. When this happens you have control, you take responsibility, you dance as you choose. The only actions and behaviors are based on your own string pulling, not somebody else's.

In this way it would not be uncommon for someone to choose to be blissful, energetic, passionate, competent, loving, excited, and optimistic....because all these states of being are as easy simply making a choice...even in the face of spectacles, crises, panics, or what have you.

Angel Armendariz